To the girl with whom I might have shared a man

Posted: June 20, 2016 in Random Posts

Resting on my bed, in the insomniac midnight air of the second day of September, I come to you blemished. Bearing sins of six generations of an oblivious Sodom. To sit down with you and disentangle the mystery of a man that holds both our hearts in his arms.

I have thought about you, about the possibility of you being there. And the possibility that the mumble he swallows in the jangle of our lovemaking is an attempt to warn me that there is another like me. Or the stains on his shirt are maps I can trace with my fingers to get to you. Or the keylock on the phone is the wall I need to jump over and find you, squatting, waiting for him. Or the fast pounding of his heart when he is kissing me insanely is a silent sentence that speaks of you.

No, do not inflame in disgust. Do not stand me against a yardstick and calculate my worthlessness. Like you, I have disregarded any possible hint from my conscience that there might be another, except on moments like these. I have hungrily eaten his words with my ears. Thawed into discipleship by this man. I have lost my sanities in a fiery flare of the heart. I have spread my thighs in clean linen, quenching my thirst in his manliness.

Nights like today, and mornings like tomorrow, I have let him melt in my mouth like a piece of candy. How does he taste? Like caramel and chocolate with a little tease of saltiness. And in those nights and mornings, I have wanted only him, the music in the player and our throbbing loins to be my only husbands.

And after we are done, heaving in the ‘sighs’ of satisfaction, sleeping next to him as he snores away , I have thought about you; like I am doing now. I have wondered what you are doing. If you are trying to call him? Or it is your text he ignored earlier.  Or if he calls you the same sweet names that he calls me. How does he taste like? Does he also love his food with a lot of onions? Does he make his eggs in the morning?

Do not call me neurotic. Let us just be real, you are a huge possibility. Man is vast in needs, and they are rarely gratified. Or my inadequacies render me hopeless to these degrees, leaving me ricocheting in between the possibilities of you existing.

I wonder about us, who in between the two is the other woman…and who between the two of us has sinned and fallen short of glory. Or is it him? The dirty guck that I keep pulling back from my clogged sink drain? Or am I an enemy of my own peace? Wasting my after-sex moments cuddling with my worry? Wondering and whining in my aloneness?

It would lend my gaping voids inner richness to know that you are not there. That you do not exist at all. That when my hands interlock with his, and our bodies are rocking and blood bulges on his veins in the forehead, it is not because he is worried I will know, but because the ecstasy overwhelms him.  That the marks on his back are my own. My nails’ imprints. I. Alone. That when he gets lost in his silent moments, it is I he gets lost with. And as he turns in his sleep  now, asking me why I am still awake, and as I wrap my body around him to get lost in my own dreams, I believe only the voice that tells me you are not there. So I choose to end this story happy, stabbing you off my thoughts. Cinderella gets her prince, and the rhythm of my mans’ breathing and my own breathing lulls me to sleep. I shall think about you tomorrow.

(To the woman that has ever spent sleepless nights ulcerating herself over possibilities of him being a cheat. )

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Comments
  1. Baru says:

    Or the stains on his shirt are maps I can trace with my fingers to get to you.

    I had missed your writing, immensely!

  2. sonie gathoni says:

    this is awesome to say the least…

  3. lizmwashuma says:

    wow! You are a good writer, well expressed n deep! Nice one

  4. wiselar says:

    This must be framed & put up somewhere. My word! Great read.

  5. urbanekenyan says:

    Eish! You can write… This is where I coil my tail and consider shutting down my blog! Good Stuff|!

  6. Gish says:

    Way too familiar of only it always ended this way. Great post.

  7. Dan says:

    This is a good read for TGIF very creative. talented!

  8. Wah… time stood still as I read this piece… More please? can I have some more?

  9. Nyakeru says:

    A standing ovation for JN. Good stuff.

  10. Noelle says:

    I come to you blemished. Bearing sins of six generations of an oblivious Sodom. To sit down with you and disentangle the mystery of a man that holds both our hearts in his arms.
    This is why in you, I have a sister.

  11. Mercy says:

    I loved it…so true so true…this is amazing..that is reality,ur an amazing writer.

  12. Nittzsah says:

    Slow golf clap…,

  13. Jo says:

    Well expressed and so damn true!! You’re a great writer anticipating for more…

  14. Gachagua says:

    Ndinda, I’m now certain that I want to marry a writer.

  15. theleatherlung says:

    This quite captures it. Been there before, every woman gets insecure sometimes, wondering what he sees in ya and if he sees what you feel you lack in her… wondering who she is, listing all his friends in your head – is it her? No, maybe it’s that other one…
    I like how you weave them words. Brilliant writing.

  16. Anonymous says:

    you are an awesome writer!

  17. Lamzana says:

    Wow!! You sure do have a way of getting a message across…

    Lovely piece!

  18. Shiru says:

    Beautiful writing, a great story. . . I just love it, you put words together so beautifully, …. a story that captures my mind. . . keep writing, i am hooked to your work!

  19. kbaab says:

    Wow! I love this piece. Great read. 🙂

  20. joyunspeakable2011 says:

    What? Aren’t you losing precious memories thinking about the ‘other woman’ when the man is here and now. just open your eyes sweetie. Am snoring yes. but satisfied. do i look like I got another like you somewhere?

    wow, great read gal. you got the bombest way of weaving words and am always so proud of you.

  21. Mark says:

    Hopeless romantic you are, beyond help *smh* 🙂

  22. lezjanedoe says:

    BEAUTIFUL! Just the kind of writting i’d want to read on a friday night. Beautiful

  23. Sylee says:

    Standing ovation cuzo!

  24. the baron says:

    You are amazing. To actually make me glimpse the mind of a woman and understand/feel it. I am awed.

  25. Elaine says:

    Lovely….. Mirrors the sentiments of many women…. Superb..am officially a fun!

  26. Mr. Carter says:

    jacque….teach me how to write…damn this is beautful….

  27. Trixiy says:

    WAT that was great, I have not read anything like it. Great stuff !!!!

  28. Ken says:

    What a vivid depiction of ur thoughts… I love ur story…

  29. Anonymous says:

    Wow wow.Great writer

  30. Mokaya says:

    How much more would a writer express this?? I love the angle from which this piece is done and the flow. the imagery etc etc..Wow!! You just seem to be getting better and better at what you do fro the last pieces.

  31. This is amazing; a door into the inner room where many a woman’s worries are stored. Captivating indeed.

  32. OtienoHongo says:

    You are a remarkable writer…glad I found your blog.

  33. DOPE….. to say the least. brilliant read!

  34. Anonymous says:

    wonderful read…we’v all been there one day, one time… #iRelate

  35. Nyambura says:

    This is a heart-stopping read…stirs up my dark & twisties…gets them all agitated…

  36. Anonymous says:

    ths is great stuff….highly appreciated

  37. EssieM says:

    i love the way u weave ur words great piece really enjoyed it.

  38. Irene says:

    Awesome!! Every womans story right there 😉

  39. Edgar says:

    Reality woven into a story that is word played like a poem. Love it

  40. ronnie says:

    words escape me…lovely piece..

  41. Wow! Si Ndinda is a writer, this is what we call twisting words, very awesome!

  42. farmgal says:

    Wow! You’re a gifted writer….

  43. […] out for my phone to browse for something interesting. I stumbled upon @Ndinda_‘s blog post To the girl with whom I might have shared a man. It was quite an interesting read and that’s how I got to read Kenyan […]

  44. Kenhimuselefu says:

    That’s 1st class creativity. Thumbs up!

  45. ndinda says:

    Thank you for your kind words good people. Thank you also for reading. Sadly, I havent written for a very long time and I have come back to this post to look for inspiration. This happens to be a post I am very proud of

  46. Anon says:

    I am that girl… Took the words right out of my heart! 🙂

  47. Nduku says:

    Amazing writer you are…following you ‘pap’.

  48. KevDaNative says:

    I have read this post like 10 times but never commented. The detail and emotion in it is overwhelming.
    I like.

  49. Noni says:

    Trust me,you just put in words what every gal thinks/fears.. really profound piece..you go gal!

  50. Anonymous says:

    wow, this is deep.ur talented Ndinda….fly with it..

  51. DAIDEY says:

    AMAZING…I ALWAYS LOVED YOUR WORK! THIS ARTICLE RE-IGNITED THAT LOVE …OH YES! I AM SHOUTING

  52. Wangaray says:

    Wow. You spoke for us all and so eloquently. You made my heart stop.

  53. vinnie says:

    brilliant wow wat a masterpiece

  54. @babumasire says:

    i can feel your anguish with eachh word. “does he like his food with alot of onions” . Love the writing, hope the mental torture ended.
    To the women i may have shared…… As if i doubt my words are slured, wondering if what i am saying is supposed to be to you or she who is to come…

  55. E-tem says:

    nice piece! creative writting by all standards.

  56. Kevin Orato says:

    I enjoyed this, thoroughly.

  57. Alma says:

    Dat was great….happens alot

  58. Wow,i really like!!!Very descriptive writing

  59. rotichlawi says:

    I love the way you put it down right from your mind……awesome!!

  60. Ipalei says:

    superbe!!! amazing article and points out the realities of what’s going on in every woman’s mind

  61. This is my first time here, and I’m totally swept off my feet!

  62. Just stumbled upon this… let me catch my breath before I devour any other posts… but this stuff is amazing.

  63. You left me breathless…nice article

  64. bacfirus says:

    I have always had these fears. Fears
    that you, in those moments of ecstasy,
    inbthe deep looking of your eyes, that
    there is always a doubt. That as you
    turn your head, in that moment of the
    slightest hesitation, that yes you indeed
    have these thoughts. The heinous,
    uncultured thoughts of me being a
    cheat.
    Maybe it is in the voice, in the way you
    look at me, in the way that touch is
    hesitant. Maybe even in the way the
    food is a little more salted than it
    always is.

  65. gayaochieng says:

    Never well put… I can not add

  66. geoffray says:

    the same thoughts rob me always. i realize am not the only one in this arena

  67. governor yusuf says:

    a pen at its best, the mastery of language and style is just amazing, reading this 1000 times with no tinge of exhaustion. great writing means wider reading, you are wide read

  68. Anonymous says:

    amazing piece

  69. Anonymous says:

    sensational

  70. tabby says:

    its awesome captured my thougts good frame
    indeed

  71. Esta says:

    Nice piece

  72. yego says:

    all women are suffering from the same. good of u to speak out.

  73. Anonymous says:

    very lovely…very gifted

  74. David Caesar Oguwwike says:

    Reading this remind me of my good old days. Inkdrops indeed you have resurrected me from my grave of oblivion restlessness….I have slept for a little while but you made me felt it has been for eternity….The write up challenge you gave to my heart has woken me from the earth belly of ritando slumber I will now put my beautiful nonsense, my illuminating darkness and my satanic jesus into great composition….Thanks for waking me up thanks once more. Your write up is great maybe greater than mine. You are good and you deserve a medal.

  75. Oreoluwa says:

    awesome writing!

  76. Anonymous says:

    awesome

  77. Anonymous says:

    I would copy paste if i bore the anatomy of a woman….good stuff

  78. dommy says:

    I would copy paste if i bore the anatomy of a woman….good stuff

  79. tapepeo says:

    This evokes feelings no woman wants to ever willingly have, a scary possibility…

  80. sonnia says:

    gasping for air………..

  81. martin githu says:

    Now, , that’swhat passionate writing is .wonderfully written.

  82. Anonymous says:

    awesome!

  83. Anonymous says:

    Ooh my! my heart beats with every word, my eyes tear with every thought, my fingers tremble with every emotion emitted from your piece of writing. ..
    I feel it sooo deeply…
    Thanks.
    so epic…

  84. mercy says:

    i love your writing soso much

  85. Magdalene Muendo says:

    Nice one. This is talent.

  86. kenn luke says:

    good1

  87. Reblogged this on itsallaboutthatgirl and commented:
    A woman’s mind has a lot that can be traced to the heart.

  88. evans says:

    people are talented

  89. Beatrice Kiguru says:

    This is insanely good and great,well written . I love it

  90. […] To the girl with whom I might have shared a man. […]

  91. sensoria300 says:

    Reblogged this on Heart, Depth and Soul and commented:
    I bumped on this while scavenging the internet. This is rawness, poetry and depth, coalescing to create a piece of art that knows no boundaries. Kudos ink drops.

  92. Awesome writing here. A wide range of emotions can swirl around while reading this

  93. bob says:

    wow, what a word smith

  94. Anonymous says:

    so creative am in love with it

  95. judy says:

    woow.. i like.. reality in ink

  96. Mwikali says:

    great piece there…captures alot of what goes on in our minds

  97. […] (the dead haunting the living, the living who haunt the dead, the narrator who stalks funerals). To the Girl With Whom I Might Have Shared a Man recasts a man’s infidelity as a platform for two women to realise their shared intimacy, as […]

  98. that_babe_britty says:

    Reblogged this on syperbritt's Blog.

  99. […] Source: To the girl with whom I might have shared a man […]

  100. faithfullove says:

    Reblogged this on WRITERS' WATCH..

  101. Malach says:

    This is something

  102. Keem says:

    Inkdrops.. Great piece. I like how you explain your disposition. So real.

  103. Sweeva says:

    Wow … very well articulated 🙂

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